marie j.engelsvold

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Why are we so hard on ourselves?

Why do we keep sabotaging ourselves?? Why is it never good enough?? How do we allow instead of forcing our artwork into a certain direction? Being open to all possibilities?

When I’am in a creative process I’am very aware of how I’am talking to myself, when do I start to judge, compare, being afraid of how it will turn out? Most of us have learned that we have to make a plan, have an idea and know what we are doing. That we have to face certain expectations of ourselves, and what we think others are expecting of us. When we start to criticize ourselves, and our artwork, it all goes down. We feel stuck, and we feel drained. We sometimes keep beating ourselves up, till we maybe drop all our creative projects. If you don’t feel good enough, your artwork will never be good enough. Eventhough your are very skillfull, it will never be good enough. Eventhough other people thinks it’s just amazing, it will never be good enough for you. So why not start to be a little kinder to yourself. ? Start to allow, instead of following a lot of rules and expectations you have been setting up for yourself. You see the creative process is not about following a mental regime, it’s not about going from A to G, in a linear motion. It’s about being open, being vulnerable being raw and honest. It’s about following your own guidance, trusting yourself, allowing yourself to have fun, to be curious, to play. Do it because you think it matters, because you matters. Because you can’t truly express anything which is not felt and experienced.

Marie J.Engelsvold. “Let it flow” Acrylics, pencil and paper cuts on paper. 2019

You are valid, whatever feelings comes up in the process is valid, is okay. It’s not all roses and butterflies, it’s about being real, being you and showing that to the world. To express it all in your work.

So why are we so hard on ourselves? I think most of us have learned through being criticized. And we have learned that to get love, we have to meet certain expectations. We have to be nice and succesfull. Doing what other people expects of us. And as grown ups these expectations have turned inwards, and it’s all about what we expect of ourselves. So it’s also about deprogramming ourselves, about unlearning, about not to follow others rules.

How can you shift from the logic mind to the “mind- heart”? Here are 4 tips.

1: Create an relaxed atmosphere around the work. Make an appointment with yourself, set the time aside. And don’t put a lot of expectations around yourself. This time is for you. This time is not another thing on your to do list. It’s time to have fun. It’s time to investigate, and let all of you out to play.

2: Start with an experiment, for how long can you create without starting to criticize yourself?? Observe your own mind, write it down every time you catch yourself. Reflect on what you can say to yourself instead??

3: Try to center yourself in your body instead of the head. Connect with the body, and use it as a compass. If you are feeling restless, well it’s time to move around. Take a break.

4: Who has told us we have to be active and productive all the time?? To be nicer to yourself you have to honor your need for breaks. Better to work concentrated for a shorter amount of time, than to work and work till you are totally drained. You have to fill yourself up.

Hope this helped you. Have a very nice day.

I’am sharing this information to you freely, from my own experiences. Hope you can use it in your own process. Any donation, is deeply appreciated. :-))

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