marie j.engelsvold

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Create from your self.

Get in touch with your core. (your self, your inner diamond, your being, your soul, your heart ……. find your own word, the word is not important. The feeling of being you is important.)

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Don’t give yourself away

When we talk about being creative, being artists, being creators. We talk about self expression. What is this self? How can you express yourself from that place

 Of course you already know that feeling of being you. We all do. Feeling happy, alive, free and excited. In this state or conciousness you don’t fear anything, and you feel you are enough. You feel everything is possible. Why do you feel everything is possible? Because when you are feeling whole, you are infinite. 

In this consciousness you can create everything. Everything you imagine or dream about is possible. We can say that we are God in this consciousness. 

Marie J.Engelsvold. “I catch me, if I fall” Yarn, wood, foam, textile.“Purple heart” Wood, foam, yarn 2018. Swim Gallery. San Francisco. 2018

I know it is kind of difficult to use the word God. Because there is so many assumptions on that word already. It’s so powerful. That is why I use this word, because I want to point to the fact that you are that power. You are not a victim. You are the creater. You don’t have to give your power away to any external God. To anything outside of you. It can be a lover, a parent, your friends, the art world, the government. Don’t give yourself away

 If you don’t like to use the word God. Then don’t. You can also use self, or core. Or find your own word. It could be Inner diamond. You decide. You have the power. 

But sometimes this core, and the awareness of it, is hidden. You can’t find your self. You can’t find that feeling of being whole and complete. But it’s not gone. It’s always there. You are just not in that that state of conciousness.. You can’t see it, it’s hidden because you are coming from your old believes. Your fears, and the feeling that you are constantly missing out on something. This nagging feeling that you constantly have to get a little better, learn some more, practice some more. You are not feeling you are enough. You are not feling good enough.

 You just have to make some more money. Or you wait for the right time. Because you are not quite ready yet. Or you compare yourself to other people, and listen more to their advice than your own.

Marie J.Engelsvold. Work process. 2019

When you are creating your artworks, trying to express yourself and you are not in that energy. You are not in contact with your wholeness, your joy and the knowing that you are enough. You will meet all your limitations. All your different believes, and assumptions. All your rules. What you have learned and decided is good or bad. What you can or cannot do. 

If you are open and aware of what is happening, you can letting that conciousness go. Everything that restricts you and makes you heavy. 

As you are letting go, you reconnect with yourself. You come more and more into contact with your pure creative power, that is wild and free. Full of excitement and love. Full of joy and play. Where everything feels possible. Because you are the creator. 

But how do you let go?  How do you go from being critizicing yourself, being hard on yourself?  To come into that place of wholeness and completeness.? To come into that notion that you can thrust yourself? You simply shift out of that state of conciousness. 

Because how can you be so hard on yourself, if you are actually whole and complete?

Marie J.Engelsvold. “Inner diamond” Pencil on paper. 2020. For purchase. Contact: Marie J.Engelsvold.

 Shifting your energies

I want to give you another picture. Because eventhough you are feeling low, you are feeling fearful, or limited you are still you. You don’t have to find your self. You just have to shift your energies. Or you state of mind. Your consciousness. Your awareness. Yes there are so many words for the same. We can also say, just change your mood. How do we go from being in a bad mood to a better mood.

 We can see ourselves as a radio with different frequencies. When you change frequency or channel, you change awareness. For example, you could be on the channel that says everything is tough. Life is hard. You have to fight for everything. Or you can switch to the channel that says everything is easy. Life is easy. And you have everything you need, everything comes easily to you. But it's still the same radio. You are still you, you are still full of love and joy even if you are on the channel that states that everything is hard. You just changed frequency. 

 But if it’s so easy to change moods.

Why are we often stuck? 

 Yes I know it’s not so simpel at first. Sometimes you just can’t seem to dig yourself out of this shitty state. You think everythink is going wrong, your art works are failing. You have always failed. You will never make anything that will ever be good enough. Your whole life is one big faillure. You are a faillure. 

 Yes. We know this state. How it can grow so quickly  inside you. Going from one failed art work, then accelerating into your whole life being a faillure. Yes I know that. You properly do too. You are not connected to your core. But it’s still there. You are still there. All these thoughts is not you. They are just a state of mind.

You can move to another state. Letting it build in the same way as any other state of mind.

Try to go back to that failed art work. Just accept it. Embrace it. Yes, it didn’t turn out the way you expected it. But it’s okay. You are okay. Then just feel you being okay. Breathe. Then you can go from being okay, to be fine. Relax in that feeling that you are fine. Accelerate the feeling, build on that….in the same way you did when you went from  having failed one art work, to your whole life being a faillure. Now take that feeling of being fine to the next level. Feeling complete. Feeling whole. Feeling enough.

Marie J.Engelsvold. Work process. 2019.

Now you can stay in this peaceful mood, or you can go even futher. You can go to the state of being joyful, excited, feeling alive. Now you are you. Now you are connected to your aliveness. To your beingness. Can you feel it?? 

 You decide. You can also choose to stay limited. To criticise yourself. Beat yourself up.

 Don’t pretend to be okay

 As I have talked about before, it’s not always possible to move out of a low mood so easy.

In my experience. When I feel this knot in my throut and stomach, I can’t just shift out like I just explained. I can try, but no. It doesn’t feel right.

In these cases, I just go deep into these feelings. I don’t just pretend to be okay. No, don’t do that. Because you can’t move them. They are coming up, for you to recognize them. For you to embrace them. For you to say it’s okay. Then the feelings will be released. But don’t be mad at yourself for having these feelings. Be gentle. Be kind. You need this love from yourself. You deserve it.

But in many cases, it’s just a habit to get stock in the low moods. You do it so easily, because it’s a mood you know. So practise this shifting. Practise how you can shift out of a low mood. Choosing another mood. Choosing to see everything in a new perspective.

Because when you move to another state, another mood, another way to see life. We see everything acording to that mood. Your artwork which was a faillure in your previous mood, might be a complete art work in your mood of completeness and love. Or it might give you a wonderful idea, to how you can make something new and radical

Energy is constantly moving, that is its nature. We are pure energy in our consciousness, so it should be very natural and easy for us to move our consciousness.? To move out of a bad mood.? Yes it is . And most of us actually do it all the time, too. But we just tend to stay in the moods we know. The moods that is most natural to you. What is your most frequent mood? That’s your home. So if you in a period of your life is in a depressed state, that mood is most naturel.  So you have to practise being in other moods, untill that mood becomes the most naturel.

So often we go against our own nature. We try to fix things. We try to force the energies. We are not so gentle with ourselves. We decide for an action, for a project. We make a to do list, and we stick to this list, eventhough we feel our energies are getting low. Eventhough we are not passionate about the project

Marie J.Engelsvold. Work process. 2019.

Do you want to be alive?

You may have decided on a project. You start and you are full of energy, but at some point you run out of fuel. There is something wrong. But instead of listening, you keep going. You probably know it. I do. I've done it a lot. Forced myself to do a project I didn't feel passionate about.

In this way we go against our own energy. That's when we force the energy in a certain direction, instead of letting it flow. Instead of going with your energy. Going with yourself.

 You are not in allignment with your feelings of joy and aliveness. The project doesn’t make you feel excited. Actually it is draining you, because it’s not coming from you. It’s coming from something else. You might do it because you think it’s easy to sell. Then you act out of fear. Or you do it because it will give you some status. Or maybe you do a project with some other artists, or people, and you feel that you have comitted yourself to participate. You feel shity if you let the others down. But in the end of the day, the price you are paying, is too much. Don’t let yourself down. Don’t give your power away.

 You decide. Do you want to be alive? Really feling alive? Move to that place in yourself.

See the world from that place. Everything is possible.

Try it. :-)

Hope you enjoyed this post. Have a very nice day.

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I’am sharing this information to you freely, from my own experiences. Hope you can use it in your own process. Any donation, is deeply appreciated. :-)

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